


Interrupted

by Baykit



Series: Quirky Hell [5]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Alastor Being Alastor (Hazbin Hotel), Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack Crossover, Mild Blood, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:28:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,089
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22790995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baykit/pseuds/Baykit
Summary: Present Mic's radio show gets interrupted.
Series: Quirky Hell [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1604635
Comments: 28
Kudos: 185





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what a radio transcript looks like, please spare me.

# Present Mic’s Radio Show!

**Present Mic:** CAN I GET A YEEAAHH?!!

**Guest {Midnight}:** Yeah!

**Present Mic:** Alright! Welcome to little listeners to the Put Your Hands Up radio show! Our guest today is the lovely Lady Midnight and she will be staying with us until the end of the show!

**Guest {Midnight}:** Hello everyone!

**Present Mic:** Now we’re going to be taking a couple listener calls with question for me or my wonderful guest before we get back to the music, so remember the number is…woah someone is eager. I didn’t even have to list our phone number. Welcome listener! You’re live on the Put Your Hands Up radio show!

**Caller:** Ah yes, glad to hear it my good fellow. My question is this, do you really think you’re entertaining?

**Present Mic:** Excuse me?

**Caller:** Really, all of that bellowing and false excitement. Where’s the drama? The real tension?

**Present Mic:** Now sir, I understand if you’re not satisfied with the show but this is really…

**Caller:** And that hair of yours. I realize this is radio but I’m sure everyone is familiar with the style. Now I’m not sure if you’re trying to imitate a shark or a cockatoo but it really is quite ridiculous. I’m surprised you can make it through most doorways with that monstrosity on your head. 

**Present Mic:** NOW THAT WAS UNCALLED FOR!!

**Caller:** Really I don’t think the listeners will mind if a more capable radio host takes over now, hmm? 

**Present Mic:** Wait, what are you talking….

*two minutes of static proceed before the show comes back on air*

**Alastor:** Hello listeners! My name is Alastor, your local neighborhood Radio Demon! Today we will be doing an educational segment where I describe the proper way to dissect a human body. 

*muffled noises of panic can be heard*

**Alastor:** And for an extra bit of fun, let’s see how far I get before those do-gooders find my location. Now, if you are performing this dissection with the intent of storing the organs for later sale and/or meals I would suggest performing the dissection on a live subject for extra freshness. With that in mind, it is important to make sure the subject is properly secured as movement during the dissection could result in the accidental damaging of the organs. OH yes, and if anyone has questions during the dissection do not hesitate to call 666-6666. 

The radio station was chaos as Present Mic stormed out of the booth with Midnight close behind. Present Mic stalked up to the nearest operator.   
“WHAT JUST HAPPENED IN THERE?!” Present Mic screamed. 

The operator covered his ears in a futile attempt to block out the sound of Present Mic’s booming voice. Midnight grabbed Present Mic’s arm from behind. 

“Mic, yelling at the poor man is not going to help,” Midnight said as Present Mic turned to her, “Now dear, please just tell us what you know.”

The operator that Present Mic had yelled at was slowly covering and uncovering his ears. It was apparent that he hadn’t heard Midnight’s question so the operator next to him answered. 

“Well we’re not sure how, but somehow this Alastor guy has high jacked our radio signal and is broad casting his own show instead,” the operator said, “and it sounds like…he’s giving an instructional show on how to dissect a body.” 

“HE’S WHAT?!!” Present Mic bellowed. 

“It gets worse,” the operator said, uncovering his ears. 

“WHAT COULD BE WORSE?!!” Present Mic yelled. 

“Um…well…” the operator stammered.

“Spit it out already,” Midnight said. 

“Well it’s radio so I don’t know for sure… but it sounds like he’s dissecting a live victim. On air,” the operator explained. 

A full minute of dead silence reigned over the room as everyone digested the information they had just been given. 

“Can you track the radio signal?” Midnight asked, breaking the silence. 

“Um…no. I don’t know how but it looks like the signal is coming from… everywhere. Even places that don’t have a radio tower for miles,” The operator said, gesturing at an image on his screen. 

“Then HOW are we going to find him?” Present Mic demanded. 

“I might have a lead!” said another operator from the back corner of the room, “the radio signal might be untraceable but he just gave out a telephone number. It looks like it connects to a phone that’s located somewhere in docks. It will take me awhile to get a more specific location though.”

“The docks? Did Eraserhead take a team to clear that area a week ago?” Midnight asked. 

“That doesn’t mean someone else didn’t move in. Anyways let’s move out. I’ll put out a call for backup on the way there. Let’s shut this creep DOWN,” Present Mic announced.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alastor hosts his radio show

# The Radio Demon Hour

**Alastor:** Now dear listeners, first things first. To get to those lovely organs we must first bypass the skin. Now provided you have passed high school biology class you’ll be familiar with the classic Y-incision pattern. However, I prefer an I-incision pattern, as it makes the organ removal much easier. Make sure the bottom end of the I reaches all the way down to the navel or you will have to make more incisions later. Once you peel back the skin you have a few options to choose from. If you have the proper pins prepared you can simply pin the skin flaps to your operating table to keep them out of the way. If not, you can simply cut away the skin flaps entirely. Really, it’s a matter of personal preference.

_*Muffled whimpering can be heard*_

**Alastor:** Once the skin is removed it’s really your choice of which organ to remove first. Personally, I recommend the liver. It’s towards the front, and entirely unprotected by the ribs. The intestines are up here too of course but those are rather worthless on the organ market and they really don’t taste good either. If you are planning on selling these, I would recommend using a smaller knife for removal because the liver is rather delicate and a single serration could ruin it. Also, do have the appropriate refrigeration units prepared before-hand. There is nothing worse then completing a delicate operation only to find you have nowhere to store the results.

_*Phone ringing can be heard*_

**Alastor:** Ah! A caller! Hello listener! You’re live on the air!

**Caller:** Hi~ So happy I made it through! I was wondering, is there a difference between storage units used for organs and those used for say, blood?

**Alastor:** Excellent inquiry! Currently, I am using short term refrigeration units that are normally used for transporting organs from hospital to hospital. In that case, there is no difference between the two. However, in the long- term organs must be stored at 0-5 degrees C. Also, organs have a very short shelf life, so if you are planning on selling them keep in mind you must do so within one to two days. Blood on the other hand, when stored at 6 degrees C, can be stored up to 42 days. Or you can freeze it and it will be good up to 10 years!

**Caller:** Ohhh that’s super interesting! Thank you!

**Alastor:** You’re welcome my dear!

_*Phone ringing can be heard*_

**Alastor:** Ah, another caller! You’re live on air!

**Caller:** Hello, I was wondering, you mentioned that the liver was easier to remove because it wasn’t protected by the ribs. What should you do if you need to get through the ribs?

**Alastor:** Another excellent inquiry! Now, the fastest way to get through the ribs is simply to break them. The force needed to do this is 3,300 newtons. However, doing it this way risks damaging the organs especially the more delicate ones such as the lungs. To avoid such damage, I recommend using a bone saw instead, like so.

_*The scraping of a saw can be heard as well as more muffled screams*_

Present Mic and Midnight arrived at the docks. Not long after, Ms. Mountain and Kamui Woods join them, a serious expression on their faces as they await instructions from Midnight.

“Alright,” Midnight said, “the police are on their way but until they get here, we’re on our own. The current situation is this, we have a villain who’s hijacked Present Mic’s radio show and is currently dissecting a hostage live on air. Their quirk is unknown. The goal is to find the location of both hostage and villain, rescue the hostage, and neutralize the villain. Time and stealth are key points here, so no yelling,” She gave a pointed look at Present Mic, “and no growing,” Ms. Mountain flinched as the look was aimed at her, “until we locate the villain. Do I make myself clear?”

Both Present Mic and Ms. Mountain gave solemn and slightly embarrassed nods.

“Good. Our operators have narrowed the location down to the east side of the docks. Let’s split up and search. Everyone keep your ear pieces in, and update as you go. Now let’s move,” Midnight commanded.

_*Phone ringing can be heard*_

**Alastor:** Another caller! How wonderful. You’re live on air, listener!

**Caller:** Oh good, I made it. So, question, do you have any tips for keeping your hostage quiet? The noises can be so annoying.

**Alastor:** Ah yes, I do agree that unwanted background noise can be rather distracting. Now the most common method, and the one I am currently using, is to simply gag them. However, this is obviously not a foolproof method as I am sure all of you can hear. If you desire complete silence, I can think of two methods off the top of my head. The first is to use drugs to either render your hostage unconscious or paralyze the vocal cords. However, if you are unfamiliar with the drugs you are using or the medical history of your hostage you do risk premature death by either overdose or allergic reactions. The other option, if you are sure of your surgical skills, is to sever the vocal cords like so.

_*Muffled screams abruptly stop*_

**Alastor:** Although this method can also be risky as it gets rather close to the carotid arteries.

**Caller:** Thanks, I’ll take that into consideration.

**Alastor:** Now dear listeners, I’m afraid that our show is coming to a close. It sounds like those do-gooders are closing in on my location so I’ll have to finish up. But it would be a shame to leave without my favorite organ, the heart.

Present Mic entered through the side door of the warehouse. Stealth wasn’t his usual gig, but this was personal. As he turned the corner he froze in his tracks at the sight before him. A single bright, fluorescent light hung over three operating tables, forming an open semicircle, allowing him to, unfortunately, see everything with crystal clear clarity.

Pools of blood surrounded the tables with sheets of skin dancing on the surface. On the middle table was a body of a young man, his limbs strapped to the table by leather belts. To the left, twelve ribs sat neatly in a row, each one wiped clean of blood and almost delicately placed on the equally clean table. On the final table, a single phone sat innocently on the surface, plugged into the wall through a series of extension cords, which was equally neat and tidy. Present Mic walked up to the body and had to cover his mouth to keep from gagging. There was no point in checking for a pulse, the corpse was clear of organs, except for the intestines which had spilled over the other edge of table.

“Everyone,” Present Mic said, his voice shaking as he spoke into his earpiece, “I found the location, but I was too late. The hostage is dead and there is no sign of the villain. Spread out and see if you can locate-.” He stopped, finger still on the earpiece as a sound distracted him.

The very foundation rumbled as cracks crawled across the ceiling. Present Mic gaped as a thick, black tentacle burst through the ceiling of the warehouse.

**Alastor:** Now dear listeners I have one last piece of advice for you. Always remember to cleanup your work area once you have finished. If you don’t have time for the typical water and bleach cleanup, simply demolishing the entire area works as well. Just be sure to be thorough. Now, it’s time for me to get going my dears. Until next time, stay tuned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, Present Mic survived. Alastor is having too much fun to kill him just yet.


End file.
